I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
