so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize