Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
