9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
