you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
