I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
