If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
