Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We are two peas in an std pod
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize