I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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