I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
