Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you inspire me to be a worse person
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
