I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The best revenge is premature balding
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
