It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
