before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
