im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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