i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
