I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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