You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
