What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize