So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
