You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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