Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize