I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
