Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have post one night stand depression
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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