So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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