Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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