I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
