all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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