Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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