but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
