coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
