My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
