I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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