When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
