I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
