I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
