I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
