I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
