I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
