you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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