Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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