The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
