In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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