I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
