Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
