Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
high people should be assigned attendants
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
