apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
