I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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