Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
