you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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