Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
