we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
