In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
