Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
