part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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