Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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