I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
