i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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