i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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