take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
