Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
