I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
