i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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