wrigley field is MILF paradise
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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