rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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