Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
