Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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