3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
