It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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