I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
