why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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