Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
