Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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