im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
