what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
