Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
