can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
